As taboo as it may be to talk about our private parts and as awkward as some of these conversations can be, in all reality, there’s really not much to be embarrassed about. We all go to the bathroom, shower (or don’t shower), smell, sleep, and let out some wind. Some of us have better personal hygiene than others, while other people are more lax about the way they look like.
Anyone who works in health and beauty—specifically in the areas of waxing and/or laser hair removal—can probably attest to the fact that every single body in this world is different. Although men and women come packaged with the same goods, we’re all packaged very differently.
And who better to explain the different shapes and variations of our precious female parts than a long time wax specialist? A former wax specialist recently described the five different types of female parts she has experienced in her life, and here they are.
1. Ms. Horseshoe: This shape, so delicately called the horseshoe, typically encompasses a wider opening at the top of a lady’s woman parts.
This type of shape usually has an exposed labia minora which meets at the bottom.
That part of our lady bits can come in all sorts of shapes and sizes.
Someone with a Ms. Horseshoe shape will have a labia minora which looks like an upside-down horseshoe.
2. Ms. Curtains: This shape is pretty self-explanatory, and is the type of shape that wax specialists see the most throughout their careers.
A Ms. Curtains shape is pronounced by a longer labia minora which extends past the labia majora.
The labia minora are the inner folds of skin in the middle of a vulva (the external part of a woman’s privates) and can also be considered the inner lips. The labia majora are the two folds of skin above the labia minora.
A Ms. Curtains shape has a slightly extended labia minora and vaguely resembles the shape of curtains, hence the name.
3. Ms. Barbie: This shape typically consists of the labia majora (the outer lips) almost completely covering the majority of the labia minora (the inner lips).
If a woman has a Ms. Barbie-shaped labia, their inner lips will typically rest high against the pelvic bone. In popular culture, this shape is considered to be the most aesthetically pleasing.
This shape is typically the least common amongst women. It is the type of shape which is glorified in adult films and is the type of shape most people think women should have.
Most women do not have this shape. It is often considered unrealistic and too “perfect”, much like an actual barbie.
4. Ms. Tulip: This shape of a woman’s private parts most resembles a flower bud which is on the verge of blooming. It most commonly looks like a tulip which is about to bloom.
The labia minora (inner lips) in the Ms. Tulip shape are exposed ever-so-slightly through the labia majora (outer lips).
The labia minora are exposed just slightly but are also contained within the outer lips.
A Ms. Tulip shape differs from a Ms. Curtains shape in that the labia majora closes in on the labia minora, revealing a small part of the inner lips, as opposed to the Ms. Curtains shapes which fully exposes the inner lips.
5. Ms. Puffs: This type of shape looks most similar to Ms. Barbie, but has some slight differences.
A Ms. Puffs shape has lips which rest quite a bit lower than a Ms. Barbie. The lips can be either extremely full and puffy, or skinny and loose.
Some people believe that the fullness or looseness of a woman’s genitals is caused by age or weight, but this is not true.
Now that you’ve read about the various shapes, sizes and forms a woman’s private parts can take, remember that every woman is shaped differently. No private part should be considered unusual or abnormal in shape and size because they are all unique.
Do you remember what happened in your teens as you hit puberty and your bodies became ready to begin the mating process? Well, at that time whenever you were horny, your body permitted you to do anything that came naturally to you and experience the ecstasy and the joy of s3x, even if it meant doing unpleasant things. As teens, we had the right to get horny and explode with the urges of s3x, whether it was getting turned on by a hairbrush, a broom stick, or a papaya. Unpleasant things gave us the pleasure at that given moment when we were horny, just like these Reddit users on this list who confess their experience of their horny days.
1. I wrapped some paper towel around the 12 gauge shotgun to soften it, then put a condom on it and ma*sturbated.
2. Microwaved the banana peel and f*cked it, but realized never to put my d*ck in a freshly microwaved banana peel after that.
3. When I was alone at home and horny, I needed to jerk off and the photo of the birth of Venus was the only thing available.
4. I heated up ham and put it in a Ziploc bag, then engulfed it on my d*ck and ma*sturbated.
5. The dictionary definition of ‘s3xual intercourse’ was enough for me to ma*sturbate in my teens, as there was no p0rn that time.
6. I tried to f*ck a snowball once and realized it was one of the most unpleasant things, ever to do. It felt like rubbing d*ck on an ice-rink floor.
7. I was really horny and this girl asked me to hang two-liter milk bottle on my balls first before she can give me a BJ and I did it.
8. I happen to f*ck a can of Chef Boyardee ravioli and I had an orgasm too. Pleasure with unpleasant things.
9. I stole a traffic cone and used this unpleasant thing for my pleasure purpose, by f*cking it with some vaseline put on it.
10. I ma*sturbated with a big handful of calamari, as I was drunk, thinking it would give my tentacles a good sensation. Well, I was wrong.
11. Since I didn’t want to get a mold in my v*gina, I put a condom on the banana and f*cked myself.
12. I was curious, hence, I put on a condom on my d*ck and jerked off, as I wanted to see all my cum in one place stacked.
13. Being a gay, I pretended to jerk off on my sharpie, imagining it to be somebody else’s d*ck.
14. ma*sturbated with an industrial vibrator after I shaved my pubes. Looked down and saw a bloody vibrator because of the little grown up hair, that acted as a sandpaper against the vibrator.
15. While putting a stalk of celery in me because I was horny, I went and broke my hymen in the bargain.
16. My backside is in pain as I tried to put my d*ck in and got hurt in the process.
17. I used my grandma’s massive rolls of thread to ma*sturbate, as she was a seamstress.
18. I was all bored out during the SAT and I ma*sturbated under the table with this s3xy girl next to me.
19. I put a condom on the towel holder and shoved it in my v*gina and ma*sturbated, as I was too horny.
20. When I was extremely horny, I ma*sturbated looking at this online home shopping hostess.
21. This girl wanted to pee in my mouth before she could jerk me off at 2 am on the terrace, as I had no option, I let her do it.
22. Logged onto P0rnhub and ma*sturbated watching this car wash clip.
23. My vibrator batteries were over, so I pulled off the TV remote batteries and got my job done.
24. I created a fleshlight out of a towel, rubber band, rubber glove and vaseline, then taped it on the desk and f*cked it.
25. I tried to f*ck a toilet paper roll and got badly cut on my d*ck, after which I realized never to do it without lube.
26. Song of Solomon had the word bre*asts mentioned, which was enough for me to ma*sturbate in my teens.
27. I pretended I was Randy Macho Man Savage and screamed his quotes while making out with this girl, till she came.
28. In my friend’s house having a pool party, I confess I jerked off in the pool looking at all the scantily dressed girls moving around.
29. My vibrator batteries had finished, being so horny I used the phallic-shaped perfume bottle in desperation, as no other things were found, but it was too unpleasant.
30. I went for a massage and I got so horny that I paid this old masseuse to give me a handjob and I must confess, she did great.
31. Once on a vacation, I confess I had a quickie inside the Vatican’s dark alcoves, just that I could brag about it later.
32. I was damn horny and bought this cantaloupe, but followed the instruction which said to heat it up before use. Rest is an unpleasant history.
33. I once did it in the church toilet on a Sunday morning service, with this guy I met first time as I was pretty horny.
34. I confess trying to suck my own d*ck while watching p0rn as I was very horny and thought, nothing like pleasuring oneself.
35. One day all alone on the beach, with no one around I felt so horny, that I ma*sturbated with the handle of my hair brush.
36. I tried masturbating by using hand sanitizer, which was a burning mistake. I confess never to try it out.
37. I cut a hole on a spread eagle lady’s vag!na in a Playboy magazine and f*cked it till I came.
38. My ex-girl got married and I jerked off on her wedding video, which I came across online.
39. While washing my dirty shoes I felt horny and the next thing I knew, I was f*cking my shoes filled with water.
40. I confess putting a condom on the tip of the rolling pin, added some lube and fixed it standing in-between the couch and rode it.
42. I have no morals when I’m horny, then I use anything that comes my way knife handles, bottles, teddy bear or pillows.
43. I confess that I have shoved many things in my backside, but nothing like a broom stick.
44. In the pre-p0rn days, I would jerk off on the naked people photos in the Nazi camp. Hence, I ma*sturbated to the Holocaust as a teen.